It is when the initial romance and glow of marriage gives way to the stark reality of personal differences of opinion, and way of doing things, that conflicts in marriage begin. All conflicts cannot be avoided; but they can be better managed with better communication.
Most conflicts happen when the husband and wife try to change each other. It simply cannot happen. Therefore it is far better to try to change oneself. But that too is not easy. Yet conflicts in marriage can smoothen the rough edges in us and make us far better persons if we approach them with love, openness, a forgiving spirit, creativity, optimism, and faith in God.
A positive and open communication helps in building up a marriage though often this aspect is neglected, forgotten, or left to chance. It is important that couples now married for many years and those planning to get married take stock of how good their communication is within marriage. Surely many areas can be improved and made better.
In this context I remember how about ten days after my wedding, my wife helped me to understand her feelings using an object lesson:
She said, “Imagine me to be a tender plant in bloom. I was growing up in a particular place in a distant land. You came and transplanted me here into a different soil. Now for me to grow well here, you need to give a lot of care. It’s new soil here. I need water and fertilizers. I need to be taken care of with love, affection, and much caring. Otherwise this tender plant will wither away!”
I listened; but not with any great interest. Of course, my thoughts were, “Oh, I am any day a better communicator, especially I am good at story telling.”
But a week passed and she had gone to work. And out of the blue the story of the tender plant she told came to me forcefully. Now I understood–how gently I should deal with her. Another story thus found its way home to my heart and found a permanent lodging there.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails”
– St. Paul (1 Corinthians 13:4–8 Bible NIV).
Featured image courtesy: Photo by Nacho Juárez on Pexels
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